What is the foundation of a successful relationship?

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I think somewhere we all know the answer of this question but it is not the answer that is difficult rather its the implementation that is difficult. So it all comes down to the essence of being oneself and being accepted for that. Whether its friendship or marriage or any other kind of relationship that you have with a person, it can only be a good and happy one for you if you are able to be yourself . This can be substantiated by the fact that we all have best friends or best relations with some people better than the others and why that happens is because, we don’t feel obligated to behave ourselves with them. We are, what we are with them and that solidifies our bond with that person.

“And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.”
Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Now here, the question arises that what obstructs us from being our real selves with other people? Similarly, why are other people not genuine around us? What is obstructing them from behaving as themselves in front of us? I believe it’s the fear of judgement that creates a barricade between us and the world. Very few people, who get through that barricade which we had erected around us are the ones we feel comfortable with and have the best sort of relationship that is possible for us to have.

Then there comes the next question that why are we ourselves with those who can penetrate our barricade? What makes them and the bond we have with them so special than others? The answer to this question lies in the fact that the relation we have with them has so much transparency. You can speak your mind without being judged and yes sometimes they won’t agree with you , may reprimand you for your actions, may berate you to the end of the world but all this makes that bond more special because there is so much of straightforwardness. Any relationship crumbles when people start having secrets and to hide them they have to lie. There is this saying that ” To hide 1 lie you will need to tell 100 more lies” . It is quite hard to keep up with so many lies to hide those secrets and after a certain period of time the truth will come out and all those secrets get revealed in an eerie way.

b7e112224d8f912b508e8f965ffd7f8d That brings me to the root of this post. We have all heard that, “HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY” and believe me my friends, it really is. The most inevitable truth of this universe is that the truth always comes out. You cannot keep it hidden forever. If you are honest and can speak your heart out to that someone and vice versa, then that is the relationship that can weather any storm. If any bond is meant to be severed then it will be. There is no point in hiding the truth because in the end it is going to make that other person feel cheated. The best course of action is to be honest and give that power of making decision to stay or walk away to that person. Atleast he or she will respect you enough for always being honest.

This honesty leads to trust which many people say is the key to a successful relationship, but this key is forged by a person’s honesty. Now if somebody is honest then there will be trust but the reverse is not true. I have seen many people believe in others and trust them but this trust is so fragile because a person can trust the other without knowing if he or she has always been honest with them or not. However the moment they come to know, that was not the case they shatter and don’t know how to trust anybody. So don’t give your trust so easily because it’s a very precious thing of yourself that you can give to someone. A person needs to earn it with their honesty and sincerity. Honesty_Quotes3

You know they say sometimes love is not enough to get you through your life and it really is not enough. What good is love if you cannot trust the person. Will that love be able to help you to be a better person than you are or is it simply going to destroy you because you will no longer be able to trust anybody. Atleast trusting someone again won’t be easy for you.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”
Albert Einstein

So I believe the foundation of a successful relationship is HONESTY. Any kind of relationship will only flourish as long as you can trust the person to be honest with you and if you cannot be honest to that person or if you feel a need to hide some truth even to shield that person, then you are never going to be yourself in front of them.  So try to be honest if you really want a relationship to work.

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The Dark Passenger

What exactly makes a person good or bad? Why can’t then people accept that they do have dark side? Yes, for some it may be darker than the others as well but still, even the brightest stars in the universe are surrounded by the dark. It’s upto you to show your bright or dark side. So many people think that the good and bad are mutually exclusive of each other but no, they both coexist. They exist within each of us and makes us who we are, that is ‘HUMANS’.
To err is human.

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Inside each of us, there is the seed of both good and evil. It’s a constant struggle as to which one will win. And one cannot exist without the other.
Eric Burdon

We all have a good and a bad side residing within us. Deep down somewhere in our souls we know, they both exist and are equally a part of us. They are two sides of the same coin. I don’t believe in people who claim that they are all good or all evil. No! that is just impossible. Even a good person may have done something bad for another while doing something good for someone else and vice versa, an evil person also might have done something good for someone while doing the harm to another. 

I was a big fan of this TV series called as ‘DEXTER’. That is the perfect example of what I’m trying to write and explain here. This guy Dexter was the protagonist as well as the antagonist of the whole series. He used to call his dark side as ‘The dark passenger’ and you can see his struggle or how he is the amalgam of both good and bad. He is capable of loving but at the same time capable of murdering. He liked to kill people but he turned that part of his to kill the criminals who escape justice. Now , I don’t say what he did was right but you cannot also say that he was wrong. What if he killed the innocents? Probably then he would have been totally wrong but his father ingrained in him to kill only criminals. Still, he was loyal, he loved his sister, his step kids. So, you see we each carry our own ‘Dark passenger’ who travels with us.

capture“No good deed goes unpunished.”
Dan Brown, Angels & Demons

There is this ‘RELATIVITY‘ theory of mine which I’ll probably write about in my next blog hopefully. However,the reason why I’m mentioning ‘relativity’ here is because whatever good or bad you do is measured up in relativity. It is a simple concept like, you cannot make everyone happy. While making someone happy, you must have caused some grief to someone else. Lets take a simple situation where you have got two of your friends vying for this one position left for a volunteer in some program. Now, you are a part of the program already and the selector asks you to tell them whom to choose as you know both and there, you have your dilemma presented to you on a plate. Although, you would be friends with both of them but still you are only going to give only one person’s name eventually making the other unhappy . So through no fault of yours or that other person’s you still land up making that other friend of yours unhappy, and maybe you don’t know but that position might have been important for him. There you go! You just did something bad for that person but that, doesn’t make you a bad person. Does it?

When you do a little bad by choosing to do a good far greater than it, then why do we feel so distressed about our bad deed? The answer to that question is quite simple.

There are people and there are situations that always await us to trigger our dark sides.
The only difference between a good person and a bad person is that which side of his character is dominant. Sometimes the situations decide which part of ours is dominant and sometimes the person himself decides which part he has to keep dominant. So the person whose angel’s side prevails over his demon’s side are the ones who get distressed over the fact, that they did a little bit bad in the course of doing more good.

“No matter how much we might wish it, there is no way to build a lock that only angels can open and demons cannot. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either ignorant of the mathematics or less of an angel than they appear.”
CGP Grey

Earlier in the start of this post I stated that I don’t believe in people’s claim of being only good , because how are you ever going to build a demeanour which only your angel’s side can access but not your devil’s side? 

You know it doesn’t matter however good a person might be,sometimes, somewhere, for some reason they might have also done a bad thing intentionally. They would have done it maybe once or twice but oh yeah! They have definitely done it. It doesn’t matter when , how and where but someday everybody meets their dark side, because everybody is just another human being not God. The only consolation in this long waging war of good and bad in our soul is that, a good man will always find a way to switch from his dark side to his bright side, as soon as possible.

So, I don’t think one needs to over think or distress for doing something wrong while doing something else which is good. Ofcourse people who are bad, are bad. You can’t give them any advice , it’s just a matter of wasting your breath. However for people who are good my only advice is:-

Don’t feel bad because sometimes you have to do something wrong for being right. Do whatever makes sense and feels right to you, because as long as you can justify it to yourself for it being right, then you are right. Nobody can be a better judge of your character for what you did is right or wrong. You should be the one, who should feel it in your soul that what you did was right.