The Webs Around Us

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We live in a world that never stops moving. Probably it is one of those things which drives us to get up every morning and move with it. But in all this orderly chaos have you ever wondered why are we doing all this if in the end life is only going to end?

“Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.” 
― Robert Louis Stevenson

I don’t know about others but sometimes when I am stuck in a hard place in life, I always wonder that why do I have to go though this pain or this awful situation or this embarrassment if in the end it will all be worth nothing. With the end of my life all that will also end and then who cares what happened throughout my life or what were my struggles. I don’t know the answers to all these questions but in between all that pondering I realised what is really important in life… “PEOPLE“. Yes! People and I’m not talking about all the people but the people who care for you and for whom you care.

We all are part of the RAT RACE in which people willingly or unwillingly participate in and want to come first as well. While going through all this trouble to win the race we forget what really matters and misplace our priorities. We put our materialistic achievements over the people in our lives. Everyone who is in this race is mostly blinded by it and puts more value on our’s and other’s  physical and material belongings. However we all forget that all this will not be with us when we die or won’t be worth anything on deathbed. Only the people with whom your bonds existed are going to remember you, cherish your memories and lament your loss.

“ Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”  ― Steve Jobs

So, we should all take a deep breath and take a pause in this rat race to reconsider and realign our priorities. What good is earning that wealth which makes you grow distant to your own family and friends. Maybe a penny lost here or there can always be regained but the loss of a person or a real bond can never be regained.

It’s not bad to be a part of the race but one should know where their priorities really lie.

 

 

Is the thing we look forward for also the thing we fear from?

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Have you ever faced a situation where you feel you are really anxious and looking forward to that thing happening is also the thing you are afraid of because you don’t know how it will turn out? I have been through these kind of situations so many times and I ponder and ponder and ponder that what could be the best course of action when I come across them. I call them PARADOXICAL SITUATIONS.

Paradoxical situations are those situations which have two completely different paths for outcomes and both 180 degrees apart. They are like a blank canvas given to you. If you paint it the right way then you can create a masterpiece however, it can turn into a bad piece with a single wrong stroke of a brush whether done intentionally or unintentionally. So, maybe the job you are most excited about is also the one you fear what happens if something goes wrong? or the budding relationship with someone you feel anxious to know how it turns out. Maybe he is the right one and you cross your fingers the whole time for that outcome but maybe it turns out he is not.

The recent situation that I came across was when yesterday my friend asked how would you feel if you get married to a stranger? Aren’t you afraid of it happening? But after introspecting I gave her two answers to the same question. My first answer was that it’s a blank page I can write anything over it from the scratch and mould it into whatever I want and that’s me looking at the positive side of it. Whereas, my second answer was that yes, it will be a difficult situation and I’m afraid of it because I don’t know how that guy will turn out to be. Maybe we start at the wrong foot and the first line that we wrote on our blank page was wrong and it may lead us to write the entire book wrong.

So what do we do when we see a paradoxical situation?

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It’s a gamble we all take. We see the dice roll and wait for its outcome because maybe the thing we are betting on turns out in our favour. Every endeavour you take has its own risks and you may face several paradoxical situations along the way but the only way to navigate through it is to go through your instinct. Well, there is a highly and likely chance of it turning out to be a bad penny but remember there is also a highly and likely chance of it turning out to be  a good one. This is what we call life and its overflowing with these paradoxial situations.

Everytime we choose something we are taking a risk and hoping that it turns out the way we want and even if it doesn’t go our way we don’t let it stop us and every choice that we make paves our path for our own journey of life.

What is the foundation of a successful relationship?

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I think somewhere we all know the answer of this question but it is not the answer that is difficult rather its the implementation that is difficult. So it all comes down to the essence of being oneself and being accepted for that. Whether its friendship or marriage or any other kind of relationship that you have with a person, it can only be a good and happy one for you if you are able to be yourself . This can be substantiated by the fact that we all have best friends or best relations with some people better than the others and why that happens is because, we don’t feel obligated to behave ourselves with them. We are, what we are with them and that solidifies our bond with that person.

“And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.”
Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Now here, the question arises that what obstructs us from being our real selves with other people? Similarly, why are other people not genuine around us? What is obstructing them from behaving as themselves in front of us? I believe it’s the fear of judgement that creates a barricade between us and the world. Very few people, who get through that barricade which we had erected around us are the ones we feel comfortable with and have the best sort of relationship that is possible for us to have.

Then there comes the next question that why are we ourselves with those who can penetrate our barricade? What makes them and the bond we have with them so special than others? The answer to this question lies in the fact that the relation we have with them has so much transparency. You can speak your mind without being judged and yes sometimes they won’t agree with you , may reprimand you for your actions, may berate you to the end of the world but all this makes that bond more special because there is so much of straightforwardness. Any relationship crumbles when people start having secrets and to hide them they have to lie. There is this saying that ” To hide 1 lie you will need to tell 100 more lies” . It is quite hard to keep up with so many lies to hide those secrets and after a certain period of time the truth will come out and all those secrets get revealed in an eerie way.

b7e112224d8f912b508e8f965ffd7f8d That brings me to the root of this post. We have all heard that, “HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY” and believe me my friends, it really is. The most inevitable truth of this universe is that the truth always comes out. You cannot keep it hidden forever. If you are honest and can speak your heart out to that someone and vice versa, then that is the relationship that can weather any storm. If any bond is meant to be severed then it will be. There is no point in hiding the truth because in the end it is going to make that other person feel cheated. The best course of action is to be honest and give that power of making decision to stay or walk away to that person. Atleast he or she will respect you enough for always being honest.

This honesty leads to trust which many people say is the key to a successful relationship, but this key is forged by a person’s honesty. Now if somebody is honest then there will be trust but the reverse is not true. I have seen many people believe in others and trust them but this trust is so fragile because a person can trust the other without knowing if he or she has always been honest with them or not. However the moment they come to know, that was not the case they shatter and don’t know how to trust anybody. So don’t give your trust so easily because it’s a very precious thing of yourself that you can give to someone. A person needs to earn it with their honesty and sincerity. Honesty_Quotes3

You know they say sometimes love is not enough to get you through your life and it really is not enough. What good is love if you cannot trust the person. Will that love be able to help you to be a better person than you are or is it simply going to destroy you because you will no longer be able to trust anybody. Atleast trusting someone again won’t be easy for you.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”
Albert Einstein

So I believe the foundation of a successful relationship is HONESTY. Any kind of relationship will only flourish as long as you can trust the person to be honest with you and if you cannot be honest to that person or if you feel a need to hide some truth even to shield that person, then you are never going to be yourself in front of them.  So try to be honest if you really want a relationship to work.

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Making the right choices

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“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Choices are what we make throughout our entire lifetime and yet we cannot harness it. Nobody thinks so keenly that a simple whim can change the track of your life by the choice that you make. However the worst is not knowing ‘what if I had made that choice’ part. This is what people call as free will. The ability to choose what you want.

You can never redo your life and that is why, its essential to atleast know and realise what choices you are making in your life. I just watched this movie LA LA LAND and it was good, but for me the best part of the movie was when Ryan Gosling played the piano in climax. In that one symphony, he envisioned a life which they would have led if they had made different choices. This is what we don’t realize that once a choice is made, it takes a solid shape and changes your life from what could have been if you had not made that choice to what it is after making that choice. You can never undo your choice and, redo your life. Probably all the people who watched the movie would have liked the life they led in that one symphony where they were together and happy. I for one rooted for that ending but no, no that’s not what happened. In reality they lived in their own separate and different worlds no matter how much they loved one another. This is what their choices led them to in their lives. However, there was that one smile that they shared mutually looking into each other’s eyes accepting and acknowledging that they are happy with their choices. And that is the moral of the story you don’t know the choices you are making however trivial they may seem , will lead you to god knows where in your life but , what you could do is to be ready to bear its consequences and be happy with it.

choice_main I just don’t understand when I see people making choices so frivolously or whimsically , that whether they really do not care what will happen after it? This free will and our ability to make a choice is the greatest gift that our creator has given us. The life you lead is made by the choices you make. Imagine a world where everyone made the same choice. Well! what fun would be in that if everyone led the same life. So you see your journey of life depends upon the choices you make by your free will. We all detest doing something for which we think we don’t have any choice. Remember how it makes us feel helpless and being helpless is the worst feeling in the world. So the gift of making a choice that has been given to us, atleast we should have a little care for it and do it wisely, because if not, then it leads to regret and regret too falls in the category of the worst feelings in the world.

So does making choices wisely means we make a list of pros and cons everytime we make a choice? Well, no! There should be a balance between making choices cautiously and making them recklessly. We should atleast think about the important choices, that what will happen in our near future as far as we can see if we make it. People who say they like to live on the edge and live spontaneously also made that choice. They somewhere have accepted it if the choice goes wrong, then its on their shoulders. Just don’t get influenced by those kind of people if you are not a person who lives that carefreely. Sometimes some choices may seem trivial but no, you don’t know a choice made precariously can also end your life in the next second.

“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn’t matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

It seems like we cannot lay the blame of how our life turned out on anybody else’s door. We have been given the power to change our lives at any point of time by making the right choices. So no matter how hard it is, put some effort in thinking and making choices so that your life is never filled with a regret of ‘WHAT IFs?’ or ‘IF ONLYs’. Life is too short and we each have our own share of misery, the least we can do is to make the right  choices that may get us out of it.

We are not God, neither prophets nor oracles. So we can never know where our choices will lead us in the end. All that we can do is just know how to live with our choices and endure the consequences of it, afterall our choices make us who we are.

Blackholes

It lurks in the center,
It wears a disguise.
It hides in the darkness.
It lives when it dies.

What we know,
No one knows.
An event yet to see.
Defying the laws,
The horizon unseen.

Its a beautiful poem that I came across on the internet which gave me the idea to write this blog. Some of the best moments that we live in our period of happiness are the ones that cut us deep.
We try to bury them, forget them, ignore them, neglect them but then, what? We still feel the melancholia every time it comes across.

We each have our own black holes. We don’t see the event horizon but when we come across this event horizon, the black hole pull us with so much gravity that we fall without breaking the monotony. This is the veracious situation of our lives that even though we have been hurt by them, we are still not able to avoid it. Those similar circumstances of our past whenever they occur in our present or future drag us again in them even if we don’t want to.

The most acrimonious situations, persons etc. are the ones that form our very own personal black holes. We call it making the same mistake again and again. But the truth of the matter is, its like a black hole for us. We cannot escape making that mistake again. Sometimes with the same people and different situations , sometimes with different people and same situations. At the time we think its innocuous but no, it never is. The only one who gets hurt is yourself.
It is an enervating process but that is what is life all about. Sometimes the brightest star in our universe falls upon itself and creates a black hole in that same universe where it used to shine with happiness.

The best decision that you can make is to identify a potential threat and orbit it from a safe distance. So that its gravity helps you to keep stable not fall into it. Well that is what a wise person would do.

But the elephant that stands in the room is WHO IS SO WISE ALWAYS? We are all flawed because we are just being humans. So even though we don’t know exactly what is inside a literal black hole, but perhaps we could always try to explore what is inside our black holes. As that adventure may prove an interesting chapter of your life.😉😉😉