What is the foundation of a successful relationship?


I think somewhere we all know the answer of this question but it is not the answer that is difficult rather its the implementation that is difficult. So it all comes down to the essence of being oneself and being accepted for that. Whether its friendship or marriage or any other kind of relationship that you have with a person, it can only be a good and happy one for you if you are able to be yourself . This can be substantiated by the fact that we all have best friends or best relations with some people better than the others and why that happens is because, we don’t feel obligated to behave ourselves with them. We are, what we are with them and that solidifies our bond with that person.

“And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.”
Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Now here, the question arises that what obstructs us from being our real selves with other people? Similarly, why are other people not genuine around us? What is obstructing them from behaving as themselves in front of us? I believe it’s the fear of judgement that creates a barricade between us and the world. Very few people, who get through that barricade which we had erected around us are the ones we feel comfortable with and have the best sort of relationship that is possible for us to have.

Then there comes the next question that why are we ourselves with those who can penetrate our barricade? What makes them and the bond we have with them so special than others? The answer to this question lies in the fact that the relation we have with them has so much transparency. You can speak your mind without being judged and yes sometimes they won’t agree with you , may reprimand you for your actions, may berate you to the end of the world but all this makes that bond more special because there is so much of straightforwardness. Any relationship crumbles when people start having secrets and to hide them they have to lie. There is this saying that ” To hide 1 lie you will need to tell 100 more lies” . It is quite hard to keep up with so many lies to hide those secrets and after a certain period of time the truth will come out and all those secrets get revealed in an eerie way.

b7e112224d8f912b508e8f965ffd7f8d That brings me to the root of this post. We have all heard that, “HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY” and believe me my friends, it really is. The most inevitable truth of this universe is that the truth always comes out. You cannot keep it hidden forever. If you are honest and can speak your heart out to that someone and vice versa, then that is the relationship that can weather any storm. If any bond is meant to be severed then it will be. There is no point in hiding the truth because in the end it is going to make that other person feel cheated. The best course of action is to be honest and give that power of making decision to stay or walk away to that person. Atleast he or she will respect you enough for always being honest.

This honesty leads to trust which many people say is the key to a successful relationship, but this key is forged by a person’s honesty. Now if somebody is honest then there will be trust but the reverse is not true. I have seen many people believe in others and trust them but this trust is so fragile because a person can trust the other without knowing if he or she has always been honest with them or not. However the moment they come to know, that was not the case they shatter and don’t know how to trust anybody. So don’t give your trust so easily because it’s a very precious thing of yourself that you can give to someone. A person needs to earn it with their honesty and sincerity. Honesty_Quotes3

You know they say sometimes love is not enough to get you through your life and it really is not enough. What good is love if you cannot trust the person. Will that love be able to help you to be a better person than you are or is it simply going to destroy you because you will no longer be able to trust anybody. Atleast trusting someone again won’t be easy for you.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”
Albert Einstein

So I believe the foundation of a successful relationship is HONESTY. Any kind of relationship will only flourish as long as you can trust the person to be honest with you and if you cannot be honest to that person or if you feel a need to hide some truth even to shield that person, then you are never going to be yourself in front of them.  So try to be honest if you really want a relationship to work.

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Do actions really speak louder than words?


‘Actions speak louder than words’ is it so?

Recently, I have started wondering about the wisdom of this famous proverb and all I really think, is it true everytime? The conclusion that I withdrew from all my reckoning is:- Yes, sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. 

We humans are complicated creatures. It is quite difficult to figure out how each one of us is wired. It doesn’t matter how much psychoanalysis results or survey results we see. This is an unequivocal truth that – ‘WE CAN’T EXACTLY TELL WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS THINKING’. All we think and do are literally based on the assumptions that we make, what the other is thinking. 

This brings me to the core of the problem that, even if you are doing all sorts of things and trying to convey those unspoken words, there is still a probability your unspoken words will go unheard by the other person. We all want to feel happy, we all want to feel acknowledged and we all want to feel reassured by the people surrounding us of our value in their lives. I suppose that is why we have this inane feeling to put tags to every relationship and every feeling that we feel,  because after sometime we start doubting our own stand in the relationship or our feelings and asking ourselves that ‘Am I the only one feeling this?’ ,’Is this a one-sided thing?’ or ‘Did I figured it out wrong all along the time?’. Well, these may seem to be mundane questions to few, but I believe these are actually banal questions and we repeat them all the time throughout our whole lifecycle. We can’t preclude asking these questions or feeling those feelings of being acknowledged.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

William Arthur Ward

We all need appreciation for the effort we put whether in our work or in any relationship. It’s this constant need of being recognized for our efforts that drives us to put more effort and make our work or relationship better than before. So, the thing is why do some people have a problem in saying those few words that acknowledges what other person is to them or acknowledging their feelings for them. I don’t say that you need to declare your feelings everyday but I don’t think that acknowledging them once in a while does you any harm.

Some may say what is the need to say those things if I am proving in my actions that I feel them? But I would ask the same question to them who feel uncomfortable in expressing their feelings. What if someday you express those feelings but the other person doesn’t acknowledge it, thinking that I say this so often he maybe knowing it how I feel. I don’t know why do people have to make things complicated by not communicating and simply assuming the other person knows how you feel because of your actions. NO, it doesn’t go  that way. 

Language was made to eradicate all the misunderstandings that happen when we assume what the other person is trying to tell us through their actions. 

Now, if you are in a professional world you might have come across that how much an organization emphasizes on good communication skills. I recently went for a communication workshop where they told us the difference between communication and an effective communication. ‘Effective communication’ is defined as the act of conveying intended message from one entity or group to another through the use of mutually understood signs and semiotic rules and in return acknowledging what was understood by the receiver. This acknowledgement of what was understood by the receiver is the key differentiator between communication and effective communication. We do this communication using language to put across ourselves to the other person. I agree that you need to put your actions behind your words to substantiate what you expressed but, simply not putting words to express or acknowledge the feelings once in a while is a bad way to go about it.

As I said humans are complex creatures and we need all the assurances, recognition and acknowledgements to establish a solid floor in any relationship. Simply assuming that the other person knows what you feel because of the way you behave doesn’t really resolve a problem, in fact it creates a new problem which you will tackle later on in a relationship. The best way to have a good relationship with anyone whether its your friend, family or love is to communicate and acknowledge each others feelings and efforts. This reassures them that you recognize their efforts and feelings.

So don’t fold into yourself just because you feel uncomfortable expressing your feelings. Go with the actions because yes! they do speak for themselves but also put a little words to why you do it, sometimes it may make the other person feel treasured.

Remember that actions speak louder than words but only words have a way to be heard without fail.