The Sun of our life

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There are people who make our life worth living for and there are people who through all that time help us live this life. We all have our life problems and issues that we deal with on daily basis. Then there are some extra crisis situations too where we think that “Am I going to get through this or not?”

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Haruki Murakami

So yes, overall we are humans and humans have a tendency to be self-centered. We never think about the support system that we have which would have helped us get through it. There are so many people, problems that revolve around us in our lives but even in all this there is somebody who gives us the right gravity and keeps us grounded so that we can get through this life. Someone who gives us the right balance to navigate through this life just like the Sun which stands in the centre and gives the right gravity to other planets and our Earth, so that the life can flourish on it. Even the smallest particle in our universe has a nucleus just like the Sun to give it a shape, balance and existence.

“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.”
Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger

We all have our own Sun who lets us find our own way through any problems or crisis, only giving us a nudge in the right direction and always standing there as our support system. Each one of us has that one person or more than one person who plays that role of the Sun in our lives. We kind of harness all the energy and support that they may provide us with which just makes our lives a lot easier by making happy times more happier and sad times a little less glum. With them standing with us even in the eye of any storm the horizon seems nearer and clearer. They help us in seeing the silver lining of any cloud.

So although we have our Sun in our lives sometimes we forget to appreciate their being there. As humans we are more attuned to our problems, our feelings our everything and try to address them first but forget that somebody else is also addressing your concerns with you. Sometimes ignorance is not bliss. Finding our Sun and holding onto that Sun is what we need to do and even though its the easiest task still we can’t manage to do that right.

We humans cannot survive alone because we are social animals and living life can become a tedious task if you don’t have the right company. So as

 “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
Mae West

Therefore find that person or persons who make the Sun of your life and hold onto them because life rarely gives second chances and having right people around you is what is going to get you through this life. We need to appreciate their value because they are the KEEPERS who we need to retain in our lives to make it more than a simple existence and a life worth living for.

Is the thing we look forward for also the thing we fear from?

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Have you ever faced a situation where you feel you are really anxious and looking forward to that thing happening is also the thing you are afraid of because you don’t know how it will turn out? I have been through these kind of situations so many times and I ponder and ponder and ponder that what could be the best course of action when I come across them. I call them PARADOXICAL SITUATIONS.

Paradoxical situations are those situations which have two completely different paths for outcomes and both 180 degrees apart. They are like a blank canvas given to you. If you paint it the right way then you can create a masterpiece however, it can turn into a bad piece with a single wrong stroke of a brush whether done intentionally or unintentionally. So, maybe the job you are most excited about is also the one you fear what happens if something goes wrong? or the budding relationship with someone you feel anxious to know how it turns out. Maybe he is the right one and you cross your fingers the whole time for that outcome but maybe it turns out he is not.

The recent situation that I came across was when yesterday my friend asked how would you feel if you get married to a stranger? Aren’t you afraid of it happening? But after introspecting I gave her two answers to the same question. My first answer was that it’s a blank page I can write anything over it from the scratch and mould it into whatever I want and that’s me looking at the positive side of it. Whereas, my second answer was that yes, it will be a difficult situation and I’m afraid of it because I don’t know how that guy will turn out to be. Maybe we start at the wrong foot and the first line that we wrote on our blank page was wrong and it may lead us to write the entire book wrong.

So what do we do when we see a paradoxical situation?

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It’s a gamble we all take. We see the dice roll and wait for its outcome because maybe the thing we are betting on turns out in our favour. Every endeavour you take has its own risks and you may face several paradoxical situations along the way but the only way to navigate through it is to go through your instinct. Well, there is a highly and likely chance of it turning out to be a bad penny but remember there is also a highly and likely chance of it turning out to be  a good one. This is what we call life and its overflowing with these paradoxial situations.

Everytime we choose something we are taking a risk and hoping that it turns out the way we want and even if it doesn’t go our way we don’t let it stop us and every choice that we make paves our path for our own journey of life.

What to do when frustrated?

creativity“WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE FRUSTRATED?” This question is a part of our life and if not the question then definitely, its answer is an eminent part of our lives. Well, the answer is quite simple – ‘we vent it out’.

So what exactly do we do to relieve our frustration? I believe that the answer to this question lies in the fact that we express or channel this frustration into something else or somewhere else. The constructive way of venting out frustration is to channel this energy in a positive direction rather than going on a rampage and being destructive, because that will only add up to your frustration. Being grumpy and negative will only add up to your frustation and may lead you to depression in the long run. Understanding this concept is like a simple maths equation that two negatives don’t make a positive only a big positive makes something negative into positive. What I am trying to convey here is that, we should do things that makes us happy or help us to express ourselves in a creative manner.

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I categorize these art of expressions into 3 forms. That is we express ourselves in the following 3 ways:-

  1. First in this form of expression is PHYSICAL. We express ourselves physically in different forms like dance, playing sports, gyming, gardening, meditation etc , etc and even crying too. So whatever activity that you can think of which involves our physical strength comes under this form of expression.
  2. The second form of expression is VERBAL. For example we rant in front of our friends or sing a song, do karaoke etc. these are all oral ways of expression.
  3. The last and third form is WRITTEN and the best example of this form of expression is the post I’m writing myself. People paint, write poems, letters, mails, blogs, novels etc. and all this comes under this category.

If you notice then this pent-up frustrated energy if channelized in the right direction can produce your best work. So you see, creativity can be derived from frustration also and that is what I am trying to say only a positive cancels a negative.

Every cloud has a silver lining and that is why if you feel frustrated or low simply do something that makes you happy. Express what you feel in your form of expression. When my friend asked me yesterday that what do you do when you get frustrated, I replied without giving a second thought that I write . It kind of heals me and makes me feel happy and satisfied. So every time I write, I bare a part of me in a very generic manner but it’s there out in the open whatever I have felt, to be viewed or criticized by anybody or everybody. Maybe they can relate to it or learn something from it. Its my solace and similarly , it can be some other form of expression for someone else.

A lotus always grows in mud and it is still very beautiful. So make something beautiful and positive when you feel frustrated or low instead of sulking because that will eventually lift up your mood and make you feel good about yourself .

Thanks for reading! I would also love to hear your views so, feel free to share your thoughts with me. 🙂

The root of hesitation

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Does being hesitant on something means you are under-confident, shy or an introvert?

I have pondered over these things and I realised that hesitating over somethings in your life doesn’t generally mean that you are an under confident person or an introvert. A confident person can also hesitate on somethings. I hesitate all the time and especially when it comes to the things I really like but neither I’m an introvert nor an under-confident person. Maybe its my fear that what if I get negative feedback or I get criticised for it that makes me hesitate before finally going for it.

For example I love to write but I still hesitate sometimes that what if other people don’t think my writing is upto the mark. It took me so long to even start writing my blog and a push from other people to make me realize that yes it’s my talent and I should make an effort to put it across others. Similarly I have this anxiety in everything  that people have ever told me I was good at and I have truly liked because, everytime I showcase it, there is a fear of it not being well received. I think that what is really close to your heart will always have this kind of impact. If I have to give an analogy for this then its the same anxiety or nervousness that you feel when you bring a man you love home to meet your parents, or the first time you introduce someone whom you genuinely have an affection for to your best friends. You hesitate so many times before bringing him to meet your parents because you are afraid whether they will approve or not? And same is the case with your friends who belong to your innermost sanctum. You pray all the time that it goes well and they like him too.

Human beings are social animals and we thrive in a society. Recently, I read an article on Caitlyn Jenner in The Guardian US edition, about her transition and a little gist of what is there in her biography that the interviewer wrote. I read a line where she herself confessed that she downplayed the whole gender issue with Kris before their marriage because she so wanted to be in the game, and at one point where she was around 40 she had also left the thought of transitioning but she transitioned after 25 years. So, the point that stuck with me was she hesitated over a decision and did it after 25 years because, we live in a society, we are society animals and we like to have approval and acceptance of the society we live in.

So, is overcoming your hesitation easy? No! its not, because hesitation comes where you really care about the thing on which people are going to form opinions. But yes, once you gain the confidence that no matter what peoples’ opinions are and become aware of the fact that they are only opinions, then I think it becomes easy to do what you like. As long as you feel it gives you true happiness then I believe it is worth defying the public and society opinions.

We only live once and what’s the point of living if you cannot do something that gives you happiness and that too only because of the fear that some people would react to it negatively or would criticise you. So, yes it takes courage to overcome that hesitancy but as long as nobody else gets harmed because of what you do, then you should give it a go if it gives you satisfaction and happiness.

P.S- Thanks for reading and I would love to hear from you guys! I would be happy to know your feedback and views.

What is the foundation of a successful relationship?

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I think somewhere we all know the answer of this question but it is not the answer that is difficult rather its the implementation that is difficult. So it all comes down to the essence of being oneself and being accepted for that. Whether its friendship or marriage or any other kind of relationship that you have with a person, it can only be a good and happy one for you if you are able to be yourself . This can be substantiated by the fact that we all have best friends or best relations with some people better than the others and why that happens is because, we don’t feel obligated to behave ourselves with them. We are, what we are with them and that solidifies our bond with that person.

“And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.”
Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Now here, the question arises that what obstructs us from being our real selves with other people? Similarly, why are other people not genuine around us? What is obstructing them from behaving as themselves in front of us? I believe it’s the fear of judgement that creates a barricade between us and the world. Very few people, who get through that barricade which we had erected around us are the ones we feel comfortable with and have the best sort of relationship that is possible for us to have.

Then there comes the next question that why are we ourselves with those who can penetrate our barricade? What makes them and the bond we have with them so special than others? The answer to this question lies in the fact that the relation we have with them has so much transparency. You can speak your mind without being judged and yes sometimes they won’t agree with you , may reprimand you for your actions, may berate you to the end of the world but all this makes that bond more special because there is so much of straightforwardness. Any relationship crumbles when people start having secrets and to hide them they have to lie. There is this saying that ” To hide 1 lie you will need to tell 100 more lies” . It is quite hard to keep up with so many lies to hide those secrets and after a certain period of time the truth will come out and all those secrets get revealed in an eerie way.

b7e112224d8f912b508e8f965ffd7f8d That brings me to the root of this post. We have all heard that, “HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY” and believe me my friends, it really is. The most inevitable truth of this universe is that the truth always comes out. You cannot keep it hidden forever. If you are honest and can speak your heart out to that someone and vice versa, then that is the relationship that can weather any storm. If any bond is meant to be severed then it will be. There is no point in hiding the truth because in the end it is going to make that other person feel cheated. The best course of action is to be honest and give that power of making decision to stay or walk away to that person. Atleast he or she will respect you enough for always being honest.

This honesty leads to trust which many people say is the key to a successful relationship, but this key is forged by a person’s honesty. Now if somebody is honest then there will be trust but the reverse is not true. I have seen many people believe in others and trust them but this trust is so fragile because a person can trust the other without knowing if he or she has always been honest with them or not. However the moment they come to know, that was not the case they shatter and don’t know how to trust anybody. So don’t give your trust so easily because it’s a very precious thing of yourself that you can give to someone. A person needs to earn it with their honesty and sincerity. Honesty_Quotes3

You know they say sometimes love is not enough to get you through your life and it really is not enough. What good is love if you cannot trust the person. Will that love be able to help you to be a better person than you are or is it simply going to destroy you because you will no longer be able to trust anybody. Atleast trusting someone again won’t be easy for you.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”
Albert Einstein

So I believe the foundation of a successful relationship is HONESTY. Any kind of relationship will only flourish as long as you can trust the person to be honest with you and if you cannot be honest to that person or if you feel a need to hide some truth even to shield that person, then you are never going to be yourself in front of them.  So try to be honest if you really want a relationship to work.

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I would really appreciate your feedback on my post. 🙂

Can we really stop ourselves from judging others?

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The greatest moral failing is to condemn something as a moral failing: no vice is worse than being judgmental.

Julian Baggini

Each of us face this situation in our day-to-day lives. It’s an involuntary activity that we do. We meet people, we hear them, we see them, we observe them and based on those observations we draw some conclusions and those conclusions form our judgements. We seem to forget the fine line between judgement and facts, those conclusions will only tell you facts about the person that may differ by circumstances not how he actually is.

Difference between facts and judgements:-

Tha data that our brain collects on seeing people from near or afar is actually a simple information gathering which is followed by information processing. Now the information gathering part is something that we don’t have any control over. Based on appearances we do gather some superficial informations involuntarily, but trying to deduce something from that information will lead you to some facts that may be true or may not be and this deduction is information processing. There, at this point of information processing it branches out to facts or judgements. Now some people will simply take them as facts but wouldn’t base their behaviour towards that person based on those facts. Those facts are just there for them to be cautious and aware not for any other purpose. While the other bunch of people give in to their tendency of forming judgements based on the information they processed. They happen to view the world from their own glass and have a very myopic view where they think , that what they think about a person is true. They have their own prejudices against a person and will behave towards them based on that. These people really believe in that famous adage that “First impression is the last impression”. Now, the first impression really has an impact on what a person is going to think about you, atleast at the beginning, but you can always change their opinions later on when they really see who you are.

It’s very easy to be judgmental until you know someone’s truth.

We cannot judge anybody based on first impressions or visual and behavioural informations that we draw upon meeting them. Usually we happen to judge others based on those facts about a person, but we don’t know if the person behaves or responds in the same way for every other similar situations he faces. So if we really come to know a person, then sometimes at a later point of time we realise that our judgement was based on baseless conclusions that we withdrew on first seeing them. Sometimes the judgements that we draw are correct and sometimes not.

When it comes to the behaviour of a person we generally can’t predict it accurately, because our own behaviour itself changes over a period of time. The way you would have responded to a situation in the past, you might not respond to them in the same way in future probably . So, why do we expect that the other person is always going to stay the same way and henceforth, based on my first conclusions I’m always going to think of him in that way. No! we change and that’s why we are humans.

mt       Our heart, our mind, our behaviour, if not fickle then also it changes over a period of time or for some people or for certain circumstances. Just as a river doesn’t flows in a straight line from where it originated to its final destination, it changes its course based on the terrain and obstacles but the essence remains the same, as it is the same river and so are we. Our core remains the same, the real essence of who we are but still, our life itself is our own path to self discovery. Maybe you will find yourself doing something in the future that you might never would have thought yourself of doing in the past or present. So why to impose those judgements on others when we would not like anybody else imposing them on us.

So how do we really stop ourselves from judging others? Well, for people who judge others it comes naturally to them without giving it a thought. So they can’t stop judging others but wait not all hope is lost. There is still a way to curb those instincts. Atleast even if you judge people don’t behave towards them based on your judgements. In that way you can really come to know whether you judged them right or wrong, but before that try to behave normally towards them. Come on, we are all humans nobody is going to hold it against you that you judged them wrongly at first, but you should also not hold your judgements against them then only you will know, were you really wrong about them.

So try to stop forming judgements and focus on facts if possible, and if not then try to control your behaviour. So don’t try to be judgemental and if next time you do then try to remember this saying

 “Even god doesn’t propose to judge a man till his last days, why should you and I?”
Dale Carnegie

Making the right choices

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“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Choices are what we make throughout our entire lifetime and yet we cannot harness it. Nobody thinks so keenly that a simple whim can change the track of your life by the choice that you make. However the worst is not knowing ‘what if I had made that choice’ part. This is what people call as free will. The ability to choose what you want.

You can never redo your life and that is why, its essential to atleast know and realise what choices you are making in your life. I just watched this movie LA LA LAND and it was good, but for me the best part of the movie was when Ryan Gosling played the piano in climax. In that one symphony, he envisioned a life which they would have led if they had made different choices. This is what we don’t realize that once a choice is made, it takes a solid shape and changes your life from what could have been if you had not made that choice to what it is after making that choice. You can never undo your choice and, redo your life. Probably all the people who watched the movie would have liked the life they led in that one symphony where they were together and happy. I for one rooted for that ending but no, no that’s not what happened. In reality they lived in their own separate and different worlds no matter how much they loved one another. This is what their choices led them to in their lives. However, there was that one smile that they shared mutually looking into each other’s eyes accepting and acknowledging that they are happy with their choices. And that is the moral of the story you don’t know the choices you are making however trivial they may seem , will lead you to god knows where in your life but , what you could do is to be ready to bear its consequences and be happy with it.

choice_main I just don’t understand when I see people making choices so frivolously or whimsically , that whether they really do not care what will happen after it? This free will and our ability to make a choice is the greatest gift that our creator has given us. The life you lead is made by the choices you make. Imagine a world where everyone made the same choice. Well! what fun would be in that if everyone led the same life. So you see your journey of life depends upon the choices you make by your free will. We all detest doing something for which we think we don’t have any choice. Remember how it makes us feel helpless and being helpless is the worst feeling in the world. So the gift of making a choice that has been given to us, atleast we should have a little care for it and do it wisely, because if not, then it leads to regret and regret too falls in the category of the worst feelings in the world.

So does making choices wisely means we make a list of pros and cons everytime we make a choice? Well, no! There should be a balance between making choices cautiously and making them recklessly. We should atleast think about the important choices, that what will happen in our near future as far as we can see if we make it. People who say they like to live on the edge and live spontaneously also made that choice. They somewhere have accepted it if the choice goes wrong, then its on their shoulders. Just don’t get influenced by those kind of people if you are not a person who lives that carefreely. Sometimes some choices may seem trivial but no, you don’t know a choice made precariously can also end your life in the next second.

“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn’t matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

It seems like we cannot lay the blame of how our life turned out on anybody else’s door. We have been given the power to change our lives at any point of time by making the right choices. So no matter how hard it is, put some effort in thinking and making choices so that your life is never filled with a regret of ‘WHAT IFs?’ or ‘IF ONLYs’. Life is too short and we each have our own share of misery, the least we can do is to make the right  choices that may get us out of it.

We are not God, neither prophets nor oracles. So we can never know where our choices will lead us in the end. All that we can do is just know how to live with our choices and endure the consequences of it, afterall our choices make us who we are.