‘Actions speak louder than words’ is it so?
Recently, I have started wondering about the wisdom of this famous proverb and all I really think, is it true everytime? The conclusion that I withdrew from all my reckoning is:- Yes, sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.
We humans are complicated creatures. It is quite difficult to figure out how each one of us is wired. It doesn’t matter how much psychoanalysis results or survey results we see. This is an unequivocal truth that – ‘WE CAN’T EXACTLY TELL WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS THINKING’. All we think and do are literally based on the assumptions that we make, what the other is thinking.
This brings me to the core of the problem that, even if you are doing all sorts of things and trying to convey those unspoken words, there is still a probability your unspoken words will go unheard by the other person. We all want to feel happy, we all want to feel acknowledged and we all want to feel reassured by the people surrounding us of our value in their lives. I suppose that is why we have this inane feeling to put tags to every relationship and every feeling that we feel, because after sometime we start doubting our own stand in the relationship or our feelings and asking ourselves that ‘Am I the only one feeling this?’ ,’Is this a one-sided thing?’ or ‘Did I figured it out wrong all along the time?’. Well, these may seem to be mundane questions to few, but I believe these are actually banal questions and we repeat them all the time throughout our whole lifecycle. We can’t preclude asking these questions or feeling those feelings of being acknowledged.
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
William Arthur Ward
We all need appreciation for the effort we put whether in our work or in any relationship. It’s this constant need of being recognized for our efforts that drives us to put more effort and make our work or relationship better than before. So, the thing is why do some people have a problem in saying those few words that acknowledges what other person is to them or acknowledging their feelings for them. I don’t say that you need to declare your feelings everyday but I don’t think that acknowledging them once in a while does you any harm.
Some may say what is the need to say those things if I am proving in my actions that I feel them? But I would ask the same question to them who feel uncomfortable in expressing their feelings. What if someday you express those feelings but the other person doesn’t acknowledge it, thinking that I say this so often he maybe knowing it how I feel. I don’t know why do people have to make things complicated by not communicating and simply assuming the other person knows how you feel because of your actions. NO, it doesn’t go that way.
Language was made to eradicate all the misunderstandings that happen when we assume what the other person is trying to tell us through their actions.
Now, if you are in a professional world you might have come across that how much an organization emphasizes on good communication skills. I recently went for a communication workshop where they told us the difference between communication and an effective communication. ‘Effective communication’ is defined as the act of conveying intended message from one entity or group to another through the use of mutually understood signs and semiotic rules and in return acknowledging what was understood by the receiver. This acknowledgement of what was understood by the receiver is the key differentiator between communication and effective communication. We do this communication using language to put across ourselves to the other person. I agree that you need to put your actions behind your words to substantiate what you expressed but, simply not putting words to express or acknowledge the feelings once in a while is a bad way to go about it.
As I said humans are complex creatures and we need all the assurances, recognition and acknowledgements to establish a solid floor in any relationship. Simply assuming that the other person knows what you feel because of the way you behave doesn’t really resolve a problem, in fact it creates a new problem which you will tackle later on in a relationship. The best way to have a good relationship with anyone whether its your friend, family or love is to communicate and acknowledge each others feelings and efforts. This reassures them that you recognize their efforts and feelings.
So don’t fold into yourself just because you feel uncomfortable expressing your feelings. Go with the actions because yes! they do speak for themselves but also put a little words to why you do it, sometimes it may make the other person feel treasured.
Remember that actions speak louder than words but only words have a way to be heard without fail.