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I am pretty sure that each one of us has experienced nostalgia. Looking at someone or something can churn our memories of it again and make us feel nostalgic. But the important question here is : “Does that nostalgia brings along regrets too?”

Life is made up of opportunities. Even if we don’t recognize them they are still present everywhere, all around us. It depends upon us whether we realize that it’s an opportunity or not and how do we harness it. Seizing the opportunity when you first recognize it is the most significant event that decides how your life turns out. There is a famous saying that “Everything happens for a reason” and we need to grab it when the opportunity is present not when it is gone because, you don’t know if it will present itself again or not.

Everybody is not fortunate enough to get second chances and that is why we should never take anything for granted in our life, whether if it is a person or an opportunity. The future is something which will always be unsteady and unsure and past is made of what we do in our present. So, we only have our present which can give us a happy past without regrets to look back at or give us a happy future based on what decisions we make in this present. 

What or who we neglect in our present will not be there the next time in our future, when we think, that we will need them. Maybe what you have today will not be there tomorrow. Someday or the other most of us make this mistake of taking this opportunity in our present for granted. The wise ones do it once and they learn and get over it, but some people are unfortunate enough to make this mistake many times repeatedly and still not learn anything from it. Those are the people who when look back are left with regrets thinking about what could have been if they had gone a different path leading to a wishful longing of getting a second chance. I wish that we all could have second chances to make amends for our mistakes but sadly enough, what I have learned from my past experiences and anecdotes is that life doesn’t gives us second chances and if given rarely then you are very lucky. The only thing that you can do is be wise and choose wise because one never knows what awaits in our future and nobody can frequently wish for serendipity and miracles to happen to them.

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The Webs Around Us

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We live in a world that never stops moving. Probably it is one of those things which drives us to get up every morning and move with it. But in all this orderly chaos have you ever wondered why are we doing all this if in the end life is only going to end?

“Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.” 
― Robert Louis Stevenson

I don’t know about others but sometimes when I am stuck in a hard place in life, I always wonder that why do I have to go though this pain or this awful situation or this embarrassment if in the end it will all be worth nothing. With the end of my life all that will also end and then who cares what happened throughout my life or what were my struggles. I don’t know the answers to all these questions but in between all that pondering I realised what is really important in life… “PEOPLE“. Yes! People and I’m not talking about all the people but the people who care for you and for whom you care.

We all are part of the RAT RACE in which people willingly or unwillingly participate in and want to come first as well. While going through all this trouble to win the race we forget what really matters and misplace our priorities. We put our materialistic achievements over the people in our lives. Everyone who is in this race is mostly blinded by it and puts more value on our’s and other’s  physical and material belongings. However we all forget that all this will not be with us when we die or won’t be worth anything on deathbed. Only the people with whom your bonds existed are going to remember you, cherish your memories and lament your loss.

“ Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”  ― Steve Jobs

So, we should all take a deep breath and take a pause in this rat race to reconsider and realign our priorities. What good is earning that wealth which makes you grow distant to your own family and friends. Maybe a penny lost here or there can always be regained but the loss of a person or a real bond can never be regained.

It’s not bad to be a part of the race but one should know where their priorities really lie.

 

 

The Sun of our life

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There are people who make our life worth living for and there are people who through all that time help us live this life. We all have our life problems and issues that we deal with on daily basis. Then there are some extra crisis situations too where we think that “Am I going to get through this or not?”

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Haruki Murakami

So yes, overall we are humans and humans have a tendency to be self-centered. We never think about the support system that we have which would have helped us get through it. There are so many people, problems that revolve around us in our lives but even in all this there is somebody who gives us the right gravity and keeps us grounded so that we can get through this life. Someone who gives us the right balance to navigate through this life just like the Sun which stands in the centre and gives the right gravity to other planets and our Earth, so that the life can flourish on it. Even the smallest particle in our universe has a nucleus just like the Sun to give it a shape, balance and existence.

“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.”
Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger

We all have our own Sun who lets us find our own way through any problems or crisis, only giving us a nudge in the right direction and always standing there as our support system. Each one of us has that one person or more than one person who plays that role of the Sun in our lives. We kind of harness all the energy and support that they may provide us with which just makes our lives a lot easier by making happy times more happier and sad times a little less glum. With them standing with us even in the eye of any storm the horizon seems nearer and clearer. They help us in seeing the silver lining of any cloud.

So although we have our Sun in our lives sometimes we forget to appreciate their being there. As humans we are more attuned to our problems, our feelings our everything and try to address them first but forget that somebody else is also addressing your concerns with you. Sometimes ignorance is not bliss. Finding our Sun and holding onto that Sun is what we need to do and even though its the easiest task still we can’t manage to do that right.

We humans cannot survive alone because we are social animals and living life can become a tedious task if you don’t have the right company. So as

 “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
Mae West

Therefore find that person or persons who make the Sun of your life and hold onto them because life rarely gives second chances and having right people around you is what is going to get you through this life. We need to appreciate their value because they are the KEEPERS who we need to retain in our lives to make it more than a simple existence and a life worth living for.

Is the thing we look forward for also the thing we fear from?

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Have you ever faced a situation where you feel you are really anxious and looking forward to that thing happening is also the thing you are afraid of because you don’t know how it will turn out? I have been through these kind of situations so many times and I ponder and ponder and ponder that what could be the best course of action when I come across them. I call them PARADOXICAL SITUATIONS.

Paradoxical situations are those situations which have two completely different paths for outcomes and both 180 degrees apart. They are like a blank canvas given to you. If you paint it the right way then you can create a masterpiece however, it can turn into a bad piece with a single wrong stroke of a brush whether done intentionally or unintentionally. So, maybe the job you are most excited about is also the one you fear what happens if something goes wrong? or the budding relationship with someone you feel anxious to know how it turns out. Maybe he is the right one and you cross your fingers the whole time for that outcome but maybe it turns out he is not.

The recent situation that I came across was when yesterday my friend asked how would you feel if you get married to a stranger? Aren’t you afraid of it happening? But after introspecting I gave her two answers to the same question. My first answer was that it’s a blank page I can write anything over it from the scratch and mould it into whatever I want and that’s me looking at the positive side of it. Whereas, my second answer was that yes, it will be a difficult situation and I’m afraid of it because I don’t know how that guy will turn out to be. Maybe we start at the wrong foot and the first line that we wrote on our blank page was wrong and it may lead us to write the entire book wrong.

So what do we do when we see a paradoxical situation?

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It’s a gamble we all take. We see the dice roll and wait for its outcome because maybe the thing we are betting on turns out in our favour. Every endeavour you take has its own risks and you may face several paradoxical situations along the way but the only way to navigate through it is to go through your instinct. Well, there is a highly and likely chance of it turning out to be a bad penny but remember there is also a highly and likely chance of it turning out to be  a good one. This is what we call life and its overflowing with these paradoxial situations.

Everytime we choose something we are taking a risk and hoping that it turns out the way we want and even if it doesn’t go our way we don’t let it stop us and every choice that we make paves our path for our own journey of life.

What to do when frustrated?

creativity“WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE FRUSTRATED?” This question is a part of our life and if not the question then definitely, its answer is an eminent part of our lives. Well, the answer is quite simple – ‘we vent it out’.

So what exactly do we do to relieve our frustration? I believe that the answer to this question lies in the fact that we express or channel this frustration into something else or somewhere else. The constructive way of venting out frustration is to channel this energy in a positive direction rather than going on a rampage and being destructive, because that will only add up to your frustration. Being grumpy and negative will only add up to your frustation and may lead you to depression in the long run. Understanding this concept is like a simple maths equation that two negatives don’t make a positive only a big positive makes something negative into positive. What I am trying to convey here is that, we should do things that makes us happy or help us to express ourselves in a creative manner.

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I categorize these art of expressions into 3 forms. That is we express ourselves in the following 3 ways:-

  1. First in this form of expression is PHYSICAL. We express ourselves physically in different forms like dance, playing sports, gyming, gardening, meditation etc , etc and even crying too. So whatever activity that you can think of which involves our physical strength comes under this form of expression.
  2. The second form of expression is VERBAL. For example we rant in front of our friends or sing a song, do karaoke etc. these are all oral ways of expression.
  3. The last and third form is WRITTEN and the best example of this form of expression is the post I’m writing myself. People paint, write poems, letters, mails, blogs, novels etc. and all this comes under this category.

If you notice then this pent-up frustrated energy if channelized in the right direction can produce your best work. So you see, creativity can be derived from frustration also and that is what I am trying to say only a positive cancels a negative.

Every cloud has a silver lining and that is why if you feel frustrated or low simply do something that makes you happy. Express what you feel in your form of expression. When my friend asked me yesterday that what do you do when you get frustrated, I replied without giving a second thought that I write . It kind of heals me and makes me feel happy and satisfied. So every time I write, I bare a part of me in a very generic manner but it’s there out in the open whatever I have felt, to be viewed or criticized by anybody or everybody. Maybe they can relate to it or learn something from it. Its my solace and similarly , it can be some other form of expression for someone else.

A lotus always grows in mud and it is still very beautiful. So make something beautiful and positive when you feel frustrated or low instead of sulking because that will eventually lift up your mood and make you feel good about yourself .

Thanks for reading! I would also love to hear your views so, feel free to share your thoughts with me. 🙂

The root of hesitation

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Does being hesitant on something means you are under-confident, shy or an introvert?

I have pondered over these things and I realised that hesitating over somethings in your life doesn’t generally mean that you are an under confident person or an introvert. A confident person can also hesitate on somethings. I hesitate all the time and especially when it comes to the things I really like but neither I’m an introvert nor an under-confident person. Maybe its my fear that what if I get negative feedback or I get criticised for it that makes me hesitate before finally going for it.

For example I love to write but I still hesitate sometimes that what if other people don’t think my writing is upto the mark. It took me so long to even start writing my blog and a push from other people to make me realize that yes it’s my talent and I should make an effort to put it across others. Similarly I have this anxiety in everything  that people have ever told me I was good at and I have truly liked because, everytime I showcase it, there is a fear of it not being well received. I think that what is really close to your heart will always have this kind of impact. If I have to give an analogy for this then its the same anxiety or nervousness that you feel when you bring a man you love home to meet your parents, or the first time you introduce someone whom you genuinely have an affection for to your best friends. You hesitate so many times before bringing him to meet your parents because you are afraid whether they will approve or not? And same is the case with your friends who belong to your innermost sanctum. You pray all the time that it goes well and they like him too.

Human beings are social animals and we thrive in a society. Recently, I read an article on Caitlyn Jenner in The Guardian US edition, about her transition and a little gist of what is there in her biography that the interviewer wrote. I read a line where she herself confessed that she downplayed the whole gender issue with Kris before their marriage because she so wanted to be in the game, and at one point where she was around 40 she had also left the thought of transitioning but she transitioned after 25 years. So, the point that stuck with me was she hesitated over a decision and did it after 25 years because, we live in a society, we are society animals and we like to have approval and acceptance of the society we live in.

So, is overcoming your hesitation easy? No! its not, because hesitation comes where you really care about the thing on which people are going to form opinions. But yes, once you gain the confidence that no matter what peoples’ opinions are and become aware of the fact that they are only opinions, then I think it becomes easy to do what you like. As long as you feel it gives you true happiness then I believe it is worth defying the public and society opinions.

We only live once and what’s the point of living if you cannot do something that gives you happiness and that too only because of the fear that some people would react to it negatively or would criticise you. So, yes it takes courage to overcome that hesitancy but as long as nobody else gets harmed because of what you do, then you should give it a go if it gives you satisfaction and happiness.

P.S- Thanks for reading and I would love to hear from you guys! I would be happy to know your feedback and views.

What is the foundation of a successful relationship?

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I think somewhere we all know the answer of this question but it is not the answer that is difficult rather its the implementation that is difficult. So it all comes down to the essence of being oneself and being accepted for that. Whether its friendship or marriage or any other kind of relationship that you have with a person, it can only be a good and happy one for you if you are able to be yourself . This can be substantiated by the fact that we all have best friends or best relations with some people better than the others and why that happens is because, we don’t feel obligated to behave ourselves with them. We are, what we are with them and that solidifies our bond with that person.

“And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.”
Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Now here, the question arises that what obstructs us from being our real selves with other people? Similarly, why are other people not genuine around us? What is obstructing them from behaving as themselves in front of us? I believe it’s the fear of judgement that creates a barricade between us and the world. Very few people, who get through that barricade which we had erected around us are the ones we feel comfortable with and have the best sort of relationship that is possible for us to have.

Then there comes the next question that why are we ourselves with those who can penetrate our barricade? What makes them and the bond we have with them so special than others? The answer to this question lies in the fact that the relation we have with them has so much transparency. You can speak your mind without being judged and yes sometimes they won’t agree with you , may reprimand you for your actions, may berate you to the end of the world but all this makes that bond more special because there is so much of straightforwardness. Any relationship crumbles when people start having secrets and to hide them they have to lie. There is this saying that ” To hide 1 lie you will need to tell 100 more lies” . It is quite hard to keep up with so many lies to hide those secrets and after a certain period of time the truth will come out and all those secrets get revealed in an eerie way.

b7e112224d8f912b508e8f965ffd7f8d That brings me to the root of this post. We have all heard that, “HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY” and believe me my friends, it really is. The most inevitable truth of this universe is that the truth always comes out. You cannot keep it hidden forever. If you are honest and can speak your heart out to that someone and vice versa, then that is the relationship that can weather any storm. If any bond is meant to be severed then it will be. There is no point in hiding the truth because in the end it is going to make that other person feel cheated. The best course of action is to be honest and give that power of making decision to stay or walk away to that person. Atleast he or she will respect you enough for always being honest.

This honesty leads to trust which many people say is the key to a successful relationship, but this key is forged by a person’s honesty. Now if somebody is honest then there will be trust but the reverse is not true. I have seen many people believe in others and trust them but this trust is so fragile because a person can trust the other without knowing if he or she has always been honest with them or not. However the moment they come to know, that was not the case they shatter and don’t know how to trust anybody. So don’t give your trust so easily because it’s a very precious thing of yourself that you can give to someone. A person needs to earn it with their honesty and sincerity. Honesty_Quotes3

You know they say sometimes love is not enough to get you through your life and it really is not enough. What good is love if you cannot trust the person. Will that love be able to help you to be a better person than you are or is it simply going to destroy you because you will no longer be able to trust anybody. Atleast trusting someone again won’t be easy for you.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”
Albert Einstein

So I believe the foundation of a successful relationship is HONESTY. Any kind of relationship will only flourish as long as you can trust the person to be honest with you and if you cannot be honest to that person or if you feel a need to hide some truth even to shield that person, then you are never going to be yourself in front of them.  So try to be honest if you really want a relationship to work.

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